Welcome to the middle.

The mid-point in between two end points; the middle. The comfortable place of mediocrity.

The middle. A place unfamiliar to the perfectionist inside of me.

The middle. A word to replace the phrase “settling for” …

In my quest to conquer the extremes, I landed directly in the middle. Chugging right along in life, trying my hardest to burn the candle at both ends and survive the aftermath, I was picked up, shaken around like a dice inside of a Yahtzee cup and tossed out onto my ass in a land so foreign to me I felt like an intruder.

The middle is where I have found my footing, my grounding, my place and my purpose.

The middle is exactly where I need to be.

I have ALWAYS had a classic “all or nothing” mindset. It is why I bombed so many diets, budget plans, workout regiments, etc. Somewhere along the way, my programming became (insert robotic voice) it…is…all…or…nothing; there is no middle, there is no gray.

When you think about it, the middle is more than directional. I propose that the middle is the goal, and living there and having happiness there is the only way to save your sanity, your marriage, your relationships, your life.

The middle is caring but not obsessing. Empathizing but not invading. The middle is payment plans and savings goals. The middle is an empty and clean counter but a sink that is definitely not empty.

The middle is where you land when you release the grip you have on controlling your own life. When you stop, take a look around, and embrace the beautiful place where you are in this moment, you will be in the middle.

And I don’t care how cheesy this all is, but when you meet yourself in the middle, you will change your life! All or nothing used to look like five to ten scattered minutes in each room of the house “cleaning”. Bing, bam, boom, done within an hour, I am the most efficient, cleaning house person ever, thank you. Because I never gave any of the rooms my intentional focus, the things I was “cleaning”, I was just barely wiping the surface of. So, when the counter looked like shit again within a few days of when I cleaned it initially, I would get discouraged. “Well, I guess I am not good enough to even clean my own bathroom. Guess I will allow all motivation to sink right through and out of me and into the couch. Imma be here for a day or two”.

Some people with an attention disorder don’t fit the classic “ADHD” checklist. Not being able to focus my undivided attention, ever, used to be my challenge. My brain always has a shit load of tabs open and active. It was not until recently that I learned how to start closing them down one at a time to find peace.

My son is more than half-way deaf. He has good hearing out of one ear and with the help of hearing aid technology, he supplements his hearing. Do the hearing aides clear up 100% of his conversational confusion? Nope, but it allows him to arrive at a place where he is functional, and he is happy there. Also, the label of deaf or not deaf is not the issue either. Deaf culture is a world that all hearing people could never, ever possibly understand. Hearing people can try and can empathize with all of their might but if both of your ears are OMP, stop right there (OMP = originally manufactured parts).

So, my son is not deaf but is not considered hearing either.

He is in the middle. So, if he is in the middle, where does that leave a mom who needs to talk to absolutely anyone who could remotely empathize with her situation? The deaf community is so incredibly tight and close and that is wonderful but as a hearing mom with a hearing daughter and a hearing husband, there wasn’t really a concrete place for those of us on the outskirts of deaf. We started to learn American Sign Language (ASL) and because I was still an “all or nothing” at this time of my life, we definitely quit. However, in recent discussions with my son, returning to ASL is in our future.

I want to welcome you to the middle, my friends. A place where all people are welcome to just be here and be people. My intention for this space is to provide support to and for all of us who feel like we are in the middle. A place where your hard does not have to compete with my hard to be recognized, validated or supported. Just because your autism looks different than mine does not mean you should be left to navigate this shit show alone. It is embracing the middle where I have found peace. Its more than allowing myself “off the hook”. It is acceptance.

I am not here for computerized algorithms, however, I do understand that the only way my  resource lands is by sharing what I have to give and encouraging others to share also. I know and trust.

Listen, being a parent is really challenging. Being the parent of a kid with above average needs adds to that challenge. This is a place where I offer guidance and comfort, space and depth for all of us learning to live in the middle.